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Roping devil creatures

May 8, 2008

I am unsure if this is true, but being someone that has roped many wild things, it sounds good to me.

For those of you who hunt deer, want to pet deer, or anything in
between, this is too funny! Names have been removed to protect
the stupid!
This is an actual letter from someone who writes, and farms.

“I had the idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a
stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it
and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured
that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem
to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will
sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am
in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be
difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head
(to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder, then hid down at the end with my
rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed
well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked
out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the
feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared
at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I
would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at
me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole
rope situation.

I took a step towards it…it took a step away. I put a little
tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is:
While a deer may just stand there & look at you funny while you
rope it; they are spurred to action when you start pulling on
that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is:
Pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a
rope and with some dignity. A deer — no chance.

That thing ran, bucked, twisted, and pulled. There was no
controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it
jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground,
it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as
good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The third thing I learned is: (the only upside)
They do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick
to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It
took me a few minutes to realize this, since the blood flowing
out of the big gash in my head mostly blinded me. At that point,
I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get
that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured that if
I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would
likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was
no love at all between that deer and me. At that moment, I hated
the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I
had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head
against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground,
I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a
small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility
for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have
it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in
between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before
hand…kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there
and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

The fourth thing I learned:
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years
would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was
very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the
deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is
not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then
let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head — almost like a
pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do
when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back
slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for
several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that
claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the
flesh out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and
pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my fifth lesson in deer behavior for the day:
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They raise right
up on their back feet, strike right about head, and shoulder
level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long
time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you
with their hooves and you cannot get away easily, the best thing
to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a
bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such
trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I
devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried
to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to
turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a
good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I
turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and
knocked me down.

Lesson six:
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not
immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the
danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and
jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a
little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl
under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle
with a scope — so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. peggy
    December 13, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    There is nothing like first hand education.
    If I didn’t feel so sorry for the guy It would be really funny.

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